​Letting Go of Perfection

It's not easy striving for perfection, and in fact, it's downright distressing, because the fact is, we're all eternally flawed, and nothing is perfect, no matter how hard we try to make it otherwise. When we succumb to our perfectionist tendencies, the result is negative self-talk and black-and-white thinking — I can't do anything right, I'm a failure — and this leads to nowhere but Sadsville and Unhappytown.

Here are some tips for letting go of perfection and being your beautiful, perfectly-flawed self in all things.

1. Understand that you don't have to be perfect to be worthy.

Your life partner probably isn't perfect, but you love him or her anyway. Your kids sure as heck aren't perfect, and yet you love them dearly. The dog is a walking disaster, but you snuggle him half to death regardless. All of these people and animals are deeply flawed, but you still find them worthy of your love. Turn that onto yourself, and find yourself worthy of love, too, even though you aren't "perfect."

2. Just do your best, and be okay with it.

You've got unexpected guests coming in fifteen minutes, and the house is a disaster. You pick up the clutter and stash it in the coat closet, shove the dirty dishes in the dishwasher, and run a broom across the floor. Before you can do anything else, the doorbell rings. Do you:

A. Keep the guests waiting on the porch while you scrub the toilet, dust the ceilings, and straighten the pictures on the walls?

B. Let them in, and immediately apologize profusely for the messy house and feel disgusting and worthless during the whole visit?

C. Say to yourself, Meh, I'll bet their house is a mess, too, like most everybody's. I took care of the worst of it, and now the house just looks well-lived in, which it is. Good job, me!

The correct answer, of course, is C. Just do your best. If your partner or your mother or your neighbor or the door-to-door vacuum salesperson doesn't like it, that's really their problem, not yours.

3. Remember: Life doesn't have to be perfect to be exquisite.

So what if you don't live in a "perfect" house with a "perfect" spouse or have a "perfect" body? What is perfection, anyway? A better question is, do you like your house? Do you like your spouse? Does having a few extra pounds mean that you can't feel beautiful, that you can't enjoy life, that you can't be loved? (The answer is no.)

Instead of focusing on what things are not — i.e., perfect--focus on what things are. Your messy house is your homey haven, where your children create and you and your partner relax. Your partner chews loudly and has awful taste in music, but he's hilarious, and he's reliable. Your kids have massive meltdowns at inopportune times, but they're healthy and well-adjusted. Things don't have to be perfect to be perfectly good.

Mindfulness is Key

Combatting perfectionism requires mindfulness. Stay ever-aware of your internal dialog, and when it oozes over into negative self-talk because you're not doing something perfectly or have the perfect whatever, stop. Tell yourself that you're worthy and lovable just as you are, imperfections and all.